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Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thing 16: Beggars can't be Choosers
Ha.

Ha. Ha.

I took over a bunch of people's things when I left my CFHI program today. Not only because I am constantly mooching off people, but because I am trying to forward my HateToHelp motives. Among the possessions I inherited were some Princess Jasmine and Aladdin stickers (which I was assured people would like because Princess Jasmine looks like she could be Indian...though she is Arab), some bouncy balls, a magnetic toy kit, and a portable fan.

When approached in my rickshaw today by some small pathetic-looking children, I embraced my chance to give things away. I offered a bouncy ball. They took it, fondled it, and handed it back. I felt rebuffed. They looked at me like I was crazy. I felt awkward and kind of uncool.

The stickers went over better, however. They started sticking them on their arms, then got creative and stuck Princess Jasmine on as a bindi. This I found particularly absurd. But they seemed happy. I drove away feeling fully recovered from my embarassment, and finally considered somewhat "cool" by the beggar children.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 7:01 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Write EWTN: Help Make Sucky Kids' Religion Shows Better
I just watched the worst program of my life. And I watch some bad television. The show, perhaps called Angel Force, is the best reason for any child not to be religious that I have ever seen.

In Angel Force, ten unbelievably awkward prepubescent teenagers in safari hats sit around what appears to be the set of Steve Martin's 1979 film, The Jerk. Then, they engage in what can only be described as the worst television dialogue known to man as they wait for their priest (only marginally more well spoken, mainly because he is not 12) to come and give them insight like:

"Well actually, children, religion before the Catholic Church was imperfect and incorrect."

One of the chubby girls who appeared to be wearing a red Kabbalah bracelet a la Demi Moore did make a good point, though, remarking on the fact that Jesus indeed is not confined to time and place in the same way that homosapiens are.

I am writing this public service announcement so that you can write EWTN, the network that produces this atrocity, and ask them to cut this show and instead hire Anne Lamott to write some sarcastic children-for-God show a la God's Zoo (while not as good as what Anne Lamott could produce, God's Zoo includes animals). Or at the least they could hire me, but only if they pay well.

As a person down with Jesus, I am deeply ashamed. Please help our world.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 11:31 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
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CNN Update: Beggar Mafia
Newsflash from CNN, 11:22 AM Sunday. Goa, India:

Beggars confirm the existence of the beggar mafia.

We sincerely hope the beggar mafia does not thwart our HateToHelp global movement.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 11:26 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Friday, July 28, 2006
Thing 15 cont: Tuesdays With Morrie Gets Trashed
The reader who wrote us about the Tuesdays with Morrie book has made a decision about what to do with it. We think a healthy and positive one that cleared out a tiny bit of her mental bookshelf and made way for exciting, new, and actually quality literature.

Dear Claire and Lara,

Having you publish my email helped me to make up my mind.

Thank you!



Thank you Reader Girl!
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 4:52 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
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Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Thing 15: Tuesdays with Morrie
A diligent reader has sent this plea for help to HateToHelp@gmail.com. What can we do? Option 1, 2 or 3? Readers?? Your comments continue to delight us.

I have a copy of "Tuesdays with Morrie." I did not buy this book. There are two interlinked stories here. One is of the Book and one is of the Boy. I will talk about the Boy first because that is simpler.

The Boy was my first love. But then the Boy was insecure and after a while I realized that I could not continue to apologize for being me, and downplaying my achievements to make him feel better. So I dumped him.

We were sad for a while. But we are ok now and we are friends. In fact, we have been friends for a very long time. We did lose touch as we grew up and went away to college, but we still talk now every once in a while. I consider him a Good Friend. Just a couple of weeks ago, I met up with the Boy for coffee. It was a totally non-aggressive situation.

A few years ago, the Boy gave me a book for Christmas. It was "Tuesdays with Morrie."
I read it, and I hated it. I think it is a sappy book with very poor writing to appeals to people who buy "Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus" dietary supplements . These people would buy MarsVenus placemats if they could.

However, there is an inscription to me on the front page of the book. And I like books with personal inscriptions in them. They make me feel special. But I cannot bear the sight of that book on my bookshelf. It irks me so much I have turned its spine to the wall, and put other books in front of it. I feel that my bookshelf is a form of self-expression. Although noone looks at my bookshelf on a daily basis except me, I feel that each time I look at my bookshelf, it tells me a little about who I am. But each time I think about "Tuesdays with Morrie" I am torn. I hate the book. I hate it there on my bookshelf, a fungus marring the expression of self that my books represent to me. But the inscription has sentimental value. And although I do not love the Boy anymore, I do not wish to hurt his feelings because he is a Good Friend. I feel that disposing of the book might hurt his feelings if he found out.
It is important to note that the Book has no negative Boy-associated karma. The Book's bad karma is entirely because it is such a poor piece of writing.

Should I...

1. Tear out the front page and keep that, but toss/ give the book away;
2. Keep the book there and just try not to think about it; or
3. Give the whole book away because it's not really nice to give damaged books away?
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 11:11 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
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Monday, July 24, 2006
Things 12-14: random stuff
We apologize.

It has been a week since we last posted because India censors access to blogs (see Tripping OnWords post re: this fact) and because we are not smart enough to have set up email posting for multiple blogs.

But never fear! The karmic project continues...

In India it is actually very easy to give things away because people are always asking for them. Even completely inappropriately. Like one little kid who just out and asked for my camera. I said no.

So in the last few days of traipsing around with Claire we have given away a few key objects:

1. Half of a Subway Sandwich with a bite out of it. This sounds bad, but hte person was very happy to get it.
2. Two packets of Tuna that we had bought in Morocco that stays preserved for a freakishly long time. This is a good source of protein.
3. Random rupees and tissue cases to kids who cleverly begged by coughing on us so that we were eager for them to go away. But this made the tissues appropriate, at least.

In return for all this positive work, the beggars gave us things too...some of the people that wander from car to car are not only asking for money. They sell things! Like illegal copies of books that we want to read! So in a clear cut karmic gesture, we gave something away and immediately we received things we wanted from the next poor child wading through traffic towards us. Like Blink, Freakonomics, and How Opal Mehta blah blah blah...

It was amazing.

Coming Soon!:

Lara's cool new friend Melissa gave us prezzies for her cousins that we get to pass out. So keep an eye out for an expose of this exciting news story. We'll see how said toys are received...
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 5:15 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006
No More Red-Seeing Anger for One Reader


An archaeologist named Karis writes to tell us of this healing story. Hate turns to peace my friends.

Luckily for me i believe i have already rid myself of everything associated with past painful relationships, but i will poke around for stuff to send to hatetohelp - it's a fabulous idea. you should try to get a blurb featured in one of those magazines like Vanity Fair.

My story: I randomly ran into an old boyfriend (the crazy, possessive, seriously-tries-to-ruin-your-life kind of boyfriend) who I dated sophomore year in college. for the longest time i couldn't even hear his name without seeing red but I was very pleasantly surprised to discover that i felt no bitterness or resentment. ah, the healing power of time.....

Thanks Karis!!!
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 2:39 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Sunday, July 16, 2006
My Picture of Hilary and Chad

Since HateToHelp is now also helping celebrities, I took a recent reader suggestion about drawing pictures and drew my very own picture of the sadness and negative energy infused situation that is the Drugged Out Chad and the Oscar Winning Muscley Armed Hilary Swank.

Lara passed out food for Hillary in India, but here in Turkey I just may burn this picture in order to turn the negative energy into positive energy.

Go HateToHelp!
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 3:01 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Saturday, July 15, 2006
Is a Feeling a Thing ?
We received this letter from a HateToHelp fan, that has provoked many an intense discussion via cyberspace with HateToHelp staffers.

Hi HateToHelp:

Can a feeling be a thing? Like what if I drew the feeling on a piece of paper and sent it to you?

What do our readers think? We are thinking YES. Absolutely. Send us pictures (you draw or otherwise) of that negative feeling, or maybe of the negative feeling leaving. Or a picture of you with a big smile. Or something.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 2:43 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Friday, July 14, 2006
Shameless PR Reminder and Send Us Your Stories!!!!
Thanks Karyn for the contest wın! For all you Karyn Bosnak readers (and everyone else) - send your ex-storıes along.

How can we help you?
We loooove maıl. (Duh)
Want on our blog?

Talk to Us: HatetoHelp@gmaıl.com
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 9:37 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
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Thursday, July 13, 2006
THING 11: Indian Food A-Go-Go
"All Indian Food All The Time" Is my new motto. I have three meals a day of the stuff. I am not exaggerating. Savory breakfast has taken on a new meaning.

Happiily, this is very good news for me, as this food is AMAZING. And very veggie-friendly which works for this ol' lifelong vegetarian.

So it was not at all difficult for me to help pass on some love in the form of food (and not in the emotional eating sense) as prescribed by our LiTTS correspondent as per the Hıllary Swank story. So, I did a couple of things.

1. Gave away massive amount of restaurant leftovers to a particularly sad looking beggar. He seemed old and really really hungry. We had a major language barrier issue, but his amputated leg jumped around a little, so I think he was excited. I figured I was doing my bit by feeding him, and by not only giving money/food/positive karma to the young and cute beggars out there. It is sad but true...they just make more.

2. Bought a round of chai at one of the many friendly local tea stands. At 5 rupees (about ten cents a pop) these shot glasses o' goodness are fully worth every bit. Plus I made some friends...including the friendly local elephant that was chillin' with all the old men just jonesin' for some tea.

Pictures are coming...but internet cafe technology is not quite what it could be right now...

KEEP THE SUGGESTIONS/STORIES/IDEAS coming!!!!!!!!!
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 6:53 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Thing 10: Whales and Fans
In a true hit of success for positive karmic sources of energy everywhere, best-selling author Karyn Bosnak has posted an entry about our HateToHelp karmic project on her BLOG

The result? An outpouring of good energy, bad ex stories, and enthusiasm from all sides. Thank you thank you thank you to Karyn, loyal readers everywhere, and our newest contributor OOMM of the cool blinky picture. Her inspiring whale story is below (via Karyn's blog)...read on. read on.

HURRAY FOR EX-CLEANSING!!!!!!!!

It wasn't a gift from an ex but a gift FOR an ex. Jeff loved whales and one summer I found a beautiful one that would look amazing in his living room. It was expensive but he was worth it right? I put it away for Christmas but by Christmas he had moved on to some other gal.

I held onto that whale for years, kept it tucked away just in case we ever got back together. Even though I've always been a whale lover (I'm a marine biologist) I could never bring myself to put it out in my own home.

A few years back I had a student working for me who was very dedicated to whale research. She was furnishing a small apartment with what she could salvage here and there while working low paying jobs that furthered the cause for the whales.

I gave her the whale intended for my ex, I told her she could choose to keep it and display it, or if she found it more helpful to sell it and use the funds to help furnish her place she could do that.

I'm not sure which she chose, she's moved on to do research in another part of the country now but I know that it meant more to her than it ever would have meant to him.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 6:48 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Celebrity Thıng 1: Why She Had to Hang Up Her Gloves
As Hate to Help's very own, Leave it to the Stars (LiTTS-a new pseudo-name if you will) Correspondent, I will be the first to admit, the Stars' lives are not as personal as your own stories that you send us. But despite the ritz and glamour of these people, and as much as you might want to hate them, they have feelings too, and as my mother once said to me when I said some scathing biting remark about said people, "Well, they say nice things about you."

You may have heard awhile back that Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe were not doing so hot. They had joined the countless other celebrity couples that could not make it til' death do them part. But how could this be?! Even though she forgot to mention his name the first time around in her Oscar acceptance speech, she definitely thanked him the second time around, and even apologized for her previous absentmindedness. And they were the sweet down to earth Hollywood couple that said "Bollocks!" to the post-Oscar Vanity Fair party, let's go to Mel's Diner and get a burger. They don't need that glitz! How could all this possibly lead to divorce? Well it turns out, Hil's come out swingin' in this month's issue of Vanity Fair disclosing one of the breaking issues was Lowe's substance abuse, which he's been battling for three years. Swank tells Vanity Fair, which hit Newstands last week, "I knew something was happening but I didn't know what...; when I found out, it was such a shock because I never though he'd keep something from me.

Chad, Chad, Chad. I really thought you guys were the real deal. Why'd you have to go snort, shoot, or booze your marriage away? Sheesh. To spin this web of misfortune into that of fortune I encourage each Claire and Lara (since they're currently separated!)to supply a meal- a more nurturing kind of substance- to a person in need. Fortuna Buona!

Check out my equally crazy but less karmic blog TrippingOnMyFuture
*Thanks to Vanity Fair for the picture*
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 11:22 PM | Permalink | 1 comments
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Sunday, July 09, 2006
Introducing: HateToHelp's New Staffer!
Yes, it's true. Some of you have heard the rumors. HateToHelp is going bigtime, with the addition of a Leave it To The Stars Celebrity Karma Correspondent. Confused?

Bear with us. Chloe (picture at right) is a brilliant, funny, hot woman writer with a celebrity obsession and a degree in Hollywood. She was going to take a job with Pop Sugar this year (seriously) but decided that the benefits here at HateToHelp were better (not seriously - we do not offer health insurance).

Although we love the things you have been sending us, the cast-offs from loves lost, brutal bossess, and other past experiences you want to clear your air of...well, we felt that expanding could broaden the good we do for this world.

What does this mean? Every week, Chloe will put her wit to paper and write a KarmaLITTS (Karma + Leave It To The Stars) column - think of it a bit like little bits of Karma, perhaps?

In her column, she will identify something negative energy producing that happened in the love lives of Hollywood this week, and then tell us what to give away in order to balance out the energy of the world and help our celebrity brothers and sisters...

Moral? KEEP SENDING US YOUR STUFF (2 really strange things this week already)! And read about even more ridiculousness. Want to talk to Chloe (or us), about your exes, your favorite celebs' exes, or really anything nonrelated? HateToHelp@gmail.com.

We LOVE the emails, people!

 
posted by Claire and Lara at 11:13 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Friday, July 07, 2006
THING 9: The Canadian Blow Up Doll
Someone from Toronto, named Samantha, send us the following email:

Dear Hate to Help (Lara and Claire):

I like your site and am interested in participating. My ex-boyfriend once gave me an blow up inflatable doll of a policeman but I don't want it anymore and it reminds me of him. Can I send this to the US P.O. Box for Hate to Help?

This is our concerned response, Samantha:

What?!!?!!!???

In conclusion, we lay in wait, Samantha, for the inflatadoll (we sent you the PO box info) and the explanation of why you were dating someone who gave you this.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 3:28 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
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Sunday, July 02, 2006
THING 8: A Red Ring from Philadelphia
A blog reader, we will call her Jenny, has contributed a ring to the HateToHelp effort. THANK JENNY! But now we need help, because we're not sure how to give it away appropriately. Throw it in the sea? Give to a small child? Leave in an ashtray?

Here is her story of the red ring, summarized in our words on her request.

Jenny is a teacher in Philadelphia, and in 2003 met a very nice other man, who was a teacher, while teaching. It was all very teacherlike. After their first date, which happened at an outdoor film event, Jenny and Sammy (is this an okay pseudonymn, Jenny?) decided to be monogamous. All was going swimmingly for exactly 12 months. At their one year anniversary, Sammy even gave Jenny a ring (it was not an engagement ring), that had a piece of something red in the inside.

"It's because I love you," he said very lovingly.

Less than one month later, Jenny walked into Sammy's fine apartment (she had the key) one day to find an unusual suitcase in the foyer.

"Whose suitcase is this?" Jenny asked Sammy.

"My ex-girlfriend is in town and we are having a shrimp dinner!" Sammy said, sounding very excited.

Although some people might have been more worried at this point, Jenny really did trust Sammy completely, he was a social studies teacher after all, and so she said: "Well, that makes me a little uncomfortable, but I hope you have a nice time."

Boy, did they have a nice time. The day after the dinner with his ex, Sammy told Jenny that he was getting back together with his ex, a woman Jenny had never even heard of. "She really meets my needs," he explained.

In the years since, Jenny has bloomed. The break-up, she says, was certainly very difficult for her, but she now knows that Sammy was not the man for her. And so she says it is time to get rid of his red ring. In Athens, we have the ring in possession. What should we do with it?
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 4:09 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
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THING 7: The Happy Jump-ometer
But wait...wasn't thing 5 a happy meal pedometer?

Yes. Yes it was.

But Claire went to McDonald's again in Athens to get a tsatsiki drenched burger in a pita pocket, and guess what we got along with this Grecian specialty?

That's right. McDonald's jump-o-meter the second.

So we gave it away. Of course. In this case, the title "hate to help" may have been a bit too fitting. We did hate to get ol' pedometer junior.

We walked out of McDonald's and left it on the seat of some biker's bike. Clearly, a biker probably has less need for a pedometer, as he (duh) bikes instead of walking. But his bike was covered with really gross and stupid decals. We felt that a little reminder of the simpler things in life like pedometers and Mickey D's happy meals might help him.

We hope. We hope.

If we had more people like Jenny helping us out, we wouldn't have to harass the Athens biking population.

Think about it. It could have become a safety issue had Mr. Ugly Decal Man returned to his bike much sooner.
 
posted by Claire and Lara at 1:37 AM | Permalink | 0 comments